Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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