He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
