One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I want a musical about memes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
