Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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