Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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