Pants 0. Shit 1.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
