I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
