Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
