More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
