Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
