Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
