She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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