I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
