I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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