sorry about calling you the devil all night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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