I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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