We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
