i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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