tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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