Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize