She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
