the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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