piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
