he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
