'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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