god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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