You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
