Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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