We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
