I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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