Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
