Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
His hands were made for my vagina.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
