I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
