You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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