so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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