What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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