Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
