hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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