ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think people are normalizing furries
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
