At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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