I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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