remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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