You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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