It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize