the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
