Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
