What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
