I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
