I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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