found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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