she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Randomize
