The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
