Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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