Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
