He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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