I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
