When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
