Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
