I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize