I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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