im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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