If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
