this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
