dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
